Halfway Between the Gutter & the Stars

A new priest is preparing to attend a confession for the first time — he’s extremely nervous. Father Murphy, the seasoned veteran, assures him it’s no problem as there’s a chart on the wall listing the sins and number of Hail Marys owed.

The first sinner enters the booth and says, “Father, forgive me for I have sinned.” The rookie priest asks what he’s done and the sinner replies, “I lusted in my heart”. The priest looks at the chart and replies, “Three Hail Marys.”

The next sinner enters the booth and says, “Father, forgive me for I have sinned.” The rookie priest asks what he’s done and the sinner replies, “I committed adultery.” New Priest looks at the chart and replies, “Five Hail Marys.”

A third sinner enters the booth and says, “Father, forgive me for I have sinned.” The rookie priest asks what he’s done and the sinner replies, “I sexually molested an altar boy.” The priest is aghast, but he still looks to the chart for guidance. Nowhere on the chart can he find this particular sin. He’s really starting to sweat.

So the rookie priest dashes out of the confessional in search of Father Murphy. At the front of the church he spots an altar boy. The priest runs up to him and asks, “What does Father Murphy give for sexually molesting an altar boy?”

The altar boy replies, “Two Snickers.”